By Gretchen Leigh

It’s a well-known fact that when under pressure, people will often flourish in ways even they didn’t know they were capable. I experienced such a phenomenon myself with my first job out of college as a word processor at an architectural firm.

There was a period of time when the lead word processor was actively looking for work outside the company. Not knowing why she was constantly absent, I became quite the shrew voicing my disgust. The manager, who was the only one aware my fellow processor was job hunting, chastised me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do her work, but the crew really counted on her skills. Her absences created chaos for everyone. Funny thing was, after she was gone, I began to thrive. Not having her to lean on at all, I easily managed the additional responsibilities.

Now, here in my own home, I am the one who orchestrates every aspect of my family members’s lives. They depend on me. It’s subconsciously by design, because I like organizing things and may have control issues. And when I jumped into the role of wife and then mother, I embraced it with all my might. However, now that my kids are technically adults, I’m equally aware that perhaps I did too much for them, because they are often hard pressed to initiate problem solving on their own.

It really is my fault. When they were young my sister pointed out my habit of answering questions on their behalf even though they were directly asked. My kids let me. They were children; it’s not like they would ever correct my behavior. Since that time I have tried to let them answer for themselves, though I still tend to pave the way for them, even for my husband. I’m the appointed project manager of their lives.

So in order to push them to practice problem solving skills, I delegated tasks for them when I left the house. “Someone do the dishes before I get home.” Here they had to decide among them who would execute the assignment.

“Call the car dealership and ask when you can bring the car in.” This was between my oldest and my husband. They’d have to figure out the phone number and which of them would dial the phone and talk.

“When the roast and potatoes are done in the crockpot, mash the potatoes.” Again, who would do this or would it be a community project?

The key to success for me is not to care how it gets done, even if it makes me a little insane knowing full well they won’t accomplish things the way I would. So when I walked back in the door, my youngest was just getting to the dishes. Oh well, they had all day, but I told them to do them, it didn’t matter when.

My husband was in the office Googling about a car part sitting in front of him. I asked him why he didn’t call the dealer. “Because it’s twice as expensive for parts and labor and we’d owe half of that even with the warranty. I can get the part on Amazon for a fraction of the cost and fix it myself.” That’s OK, too. Ultimately, he stepped up and saved us money.

I am happy to report my oldest mashed the potatoes just like I taught her. It seems like there’s a joke in here somewhere. How many family members does it take to mash potatoes? All of them: three to discuss who will do it before mom gets home, one to actually do the mashing.

Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. You can read more of her writing and her blog on her website livingwithgleigh.com or on Facebook at “Living with Gleigh,” or twitter @livewithgleigh. Her column is available every week at maplevalleyreporter.com under the Life section.