By Gretchen Leigh

I’m trying my very best to stay out of my daughters’ business. Some would say they are my business since they are still living at home. But now that they are technically adults their lives are really their responsibility. Yes, I truly believe that, but I’m having a difficult time getting my mom-brain to respond to reason.

My oldest is a seasoned college student, having gone to two different schools over a couple years. The first was to prepare a portfolio to get into the second, the second was a complete disaster. Well, it wasn’t totally, she only had problems with one class, but it felt like a failure to her. Every semester she’d melt down and I would drive the 45 minutes to her apartment to help her recalibrate her organizational skills. In the end it was just too intense and too much with six classes to juggle. It was a good experience for all of us, even my youngest learned from her sister’s mistakes.

Mistake is relative, however. My oldest is an exemplary student these days, keeping herself organized, knowing her limits, understanding how to navigate college so much better than her previous years. The problem for me is I never see my youngest doing homework. So I check in occasionally, while keeping the details at bay, because once I know, I can’t let it go. Plus, there’s my new awareness that every time I tell my daughters to get to work on something they’re putting off, I hear the gates in their brains slamming shut against my suggestions.

My oldest, having the only other bed in the house besides mine that will fit two people, had her bedroom taken over by guests a couple weeks ago. It thrust her into the domestic spotlight by having to do her homework on the kitchen table. Being in the same college program, my daughters’ classes are all the same this quarter. So when my oldest settled in at the kitchen table labeling the bones of skeleton pictures, I started surreptitiously “driving by” my youngest’s bedroom to see if she was doing the same project.

She was playing video games on my first cruise-by. I thought to myself, “let it go, let it go.” Without sounding too much like a Disney movie, I really tried to trust that she was handling it. After several “drive-bys” I asked a vague question, “So how’s school going? Are you getting everything done?” Her answer was an equally vague, “Yes.”

Finally, I outright asked if she’d done the assignment I saw her sister doing. “It’s the only one I haven’t done yet.” OK, still vague, but we were getting somewhere. Then my reason dam broke, “Is it late? Are you going to do it? Please stop me now before I freak out on you. When exactly do you do homework?”

“It’s fine, mom. I’m going to do it. I do homework after you’ve gone to bed.” Keep in mind my daughters, especially my youngest are vampires, creatures to whom the sun is toxic and daylight is for wussies. Since classes don’t start until 1 pm most days, she goes to bed at dawn when her father is leaving for work in the morning around 4 am. I have done my best to show her how much a person can get done when they get up with the sun, only to have those same gates slam in my face.

Finally, finally, on my last drive by, my daughter affirmed she had gotten the assignment finished. I successfully held myself in check and didn’t ask to see it. I’m not sure those gates would have been nearly as tolerant of my mom-brain on details.

Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. You can read more of her writing and her blog on her website livingwithgleigh.com, follow her on Facebook at “Living with Gleigh by Gretchen Leigh”or on Twitter @livewithgleigh. Her column is also available at maplevalleyreporter.com under the Life section.