Last week I announced on my blog that I was going to hit a 50 pound weight loss, then I didn’t. I went into a tail spin, because like many people, I am very hard on myself. Never mind that I lost 1.2 pounds at that weigh in. Never mind that I was active all week. Never mind that I was less than a half a pound away. The hammer came down and I was there to catch it. The next day I woke up prepared to pull myself up by my boot straps. I made a list of activities that would make me feel better. It started out OK, then that evening it all unexplainably slipped away. I just couldn’t shake that I had dared announce my hopes and dreams to the world (or the 12 people who read my blog), then failed. So to complete the cycle of self-flogging, I dredged up all the mistakes I’ve made over the past 52 years. Then on Friday my daughter came home with a big cake because one of her customers told her it was National Chocolate Cake Day. Let’s just say no one forced it down me and I didn’t regret a bite.
Sunday, I woke up and felt ready to regain my composure (probably because the chocolate cake was gone). New couches were involved as I spun the wheels of regaining self-possession. Though retail therapy always seems like the right thing to do when one is down, and for some reason, at that moment, I thought my life would be better if I just had a new couch, it really isn’t a good thing. My husband and I contemplated the pros and cons for our family room. I was attracted to it because it had a long ottoman that housed a storage trunk, but we would have lost some of the seating we currently have. I could probably find free-standing bench storage and we all know it wasn’t really about new furniture. It was about accomplishing something and being productive.
So we set about making what we have better. We unhooked the chaise section of our existing couch and freed up the heat vent so we wouldn’t have to keep the whole thing shoved out from the wall. It also created a more comfortable seating arrangement. Then because we pushed things around a bit we had to vacuum, and because we had to move everything in order vacuum, I cleaned off a bottom shelf that was usually blocked by the couch. In doing that I found my youngest daughter’s old laptop and her disc drive she “looked everywhere” for.
It was a little change, but enough to relieve some of the angst that required I do something significant. I decided I should keep moving or I’d slide back into the wallow (which is like a hollow in my brain). So I went to the office and finished my youngest’s school photo albums, which took several hours. After that I put my office back together and crossed another thing off my “what will make me feel better” list. So here I am, starting the week fresh. Though I think I have an extra pound for my efforts, I will recalibrate my eating plan. I must remember that it’s only a pound, not the whole 49.6 pounds. I’ll get there again, but I’ll keep it to myself this time.
The blues happen. It’s OK to flounder in the muck a bit, but action is better than inaction and will always be the rope ladder to the top again.
Gretchen Leigh is a stay-at-home mom who lives in Covington. You can read more of her writing and her blog on her website livingwithgleigh.com, on Facebook at “Living with Gleigh.”or follow her on Twitter @livewithgleigh. Her column is also available at maplevalleyreporter.com under the Life section.
