Editor’s note: This is the first in a four part series on domestic violence. The second part of the series will run in late August with the series culminating in October, which is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Just leave if you’re being abused. It’s easier said than done.

“We do know that one of the most dangerous times for a survivor is after they’ve first left,” said Cheryl Bozarth, executive director of Domestic Abuse Women’s Network (DAWN).

Bozarth said those who have worked with domestic violence survivors over the years had known anecdotally the risks of leaving and in the past decade or so research backs up that knowledge.

“We run a 24/7 crisis line where a trained advocate can answer anything from general questions… all the way up to, ‘I’m in an emergency situation and I need a safe place to be,’” Bozarth said. “We also have an emergency shelter that we are currently expanding and when that expansion is complete, we’ll have 25 beds for survivors and their children.”

Another key is safety planning, Bozarth said, something that DAWN advocates can help with.

“It’s our belief that safety planning doesn’t begin after a person has left,” she said. “We’d like to be able to help survivors in that process of leaving as much as possible. The earlier a person… is making those plans the better.”

Calling DAWN’s crisis line at 425-656-7867 or toll free at 866-286-3296 is the best step to take first, Bozarth said.

Jennier Quiroz, a community advocate for YWCA of South King County, also works with victims of domestic violence including helping them get out of the relationship as safely as possible.

“The first step is really the planning of how to leave,” Quiroz said. “Some of the things we’ll talk about, first of all, is housing. Where can you stay when you leave? If you don’t have any options or resources, then shelter is probably going to be your option.”

If a victim needs to go to a shelter, though, that can take time and it’s important to plan for a few weeks at minimum to get a spot in one.

Next, there are legal issues to discuss, Quiroz explained.

If there are children involved then she helps a woman figure out what the options are when it comes to visitation, how to work within the scope of a protection order, how to go about getting a divorce and where a parenting plan fits in to the equation when parent split up, whether they’re married or not.

“You need to talk about visitation and how you can do it safely,” Quiroz said.

As for protection orders, how effective they are depends on how law abiding the abuser may be, Quiroz said.

“A protection order might make you more safe or it might make you less safe,” she said. “For some people it may be enough to deter them. For others, it may just be a piece of paper.”

The legal intervention system, both in civil and criminal law, has changed considerably during the past two or three decades, said Merril Cousin, executive director of the King County Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

“In Washington we do have a mandatory arrest law,” Cousin said. “The reason that the specific laws were passed was because the laws 20 to 30 years ago were not effective.”

At one time, when a victim called 911, the police would ask if she wanted to press charges, which Cousin explained put many victims in a precarious position.

“Most of the physical acts of abuse are crimes and they can be reported to the police,” Cousin said. “Then once the police are called there’s a whole system that is put into motion that the victim doesn’t have control over.”

Once a survivor wades through the legal system, they must then consider money.

“Finances just in general is obviously a big piece of that,” Quiroz said. “Do you have access to any of the money? Do you have a joint checking account? Do you have access to any of the financial records? If they might qualify for some assistance through the Department of Social and Health Services or if they feel safe asking for child support.

“Then talking about other financial assistance may be available. There’s different sorts of financial resources available depending on what they want to do.”

Each situation is different, but the key for anyone trying to break away from an abuser is to plan as much as possible on a series of key points because once a victim makes the first move things can get more difficult.

“That’s why its really helpful for someone to meet with an advocate before they leave so we can make an individualized plan,” Quiroz said. “So many times I see women after they’ve tried to leave… they got a hotel room and that night he cleaned out the bank account. He changed the locks so she doesn’t have access to the house. Often abusers are very unpredictable, but, if you’ve done some planning you’ll have some resources set aside or know what’s out there.”

And an advocate like Quiroz can help with continued support and connection to resources for a survivor after they’ve gotten past the initial steps of getting out.

“Another thing I see is that in that moment of crisis when people are in survival mode… they may not be able to deal with the emotional needs and the trauma they’ve experienced,” she said. “After those basic needs have been met… it’s usually after they have a place to live and an income of some kind that I see more of a need for counseling.”

Planning is important from a safety perspective, said Victoria Throm, who founded the Covington Domestic Violence Task Force and assists victims as part of her job as a Human Services Assistant.

“The most dangerous time for a victim is when she plans to leave,” Throm said. “When people come to see us, we don’t tell them just to get out; that’s not always the immediate solution. It has to be very well thought out.”

Coming up with a plan takes time, Quiroz said, and getting out can be hard but it can be done.

“The thing that I would say to women who are in abusive relationships still… no. 1, you don’t deserve to live in abuse. It’s not your fault,” she said. “They need to know that when they decide to leave or if they decide to get information, that’s what advocates are here for, so they can reach out and get help. Women do it every day. It’s not easy, but, they can do it.”

For more information on resources offered to victims of domestic violence by the YWCA of South King County, call 206-795-2361.

For information on other resources available in King County call the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence hotline at 800-562-6025.