Critical care for a cat with attitude | Jules Maas
June 3, 2010 · 1:26 PM
Last year, our cat, Algie, became very, very ill. I had a job, and was very, very busy. This year, Al got sick again. I didn’t have a job. And it was all very, very messy. This is what happened:
Winter 2009
Algie: “I feel sick. I will lay here looking pathetic. Or bored. Or annoyed. Guess which.”
Jules: “What’s a matter, kitty?”
Algie: “Woe. Is me. Oh, the woe.”
Jules: “Hm. Maybe it’s something you ate. It sure smells like it.”
Algie: “Hiss”
Four weeks later
Algie: “Really. I feel sick.”
Jules: “I guess you’re really sick.”
Algie: “Seriously. Walk by my box.”
Jules: “Oh my good....”
*faint*
Vet’s office
Jules: “My cat is sick.”
Veterinary assistant: “What’s a matter, kitty?”
Algie: “Don’t touch me.”
Jules: “I brought a sample. But be careful. I think I burned my brain.”
Veterinary assistant: “ohkay…”
Next day
Jules: “Any news?”
Veterinary assistant: “Nope. We didn’t find anything. Except that he lost 4 pounds.”
Jules: “My cat is starving! Because I work too much! I’m never home! I AM THE WORST. OWNER. EVER.”
Veterinary assistant: “Just keep an eye on him and let us know if he gets worse.”
Three days later
Algie: “EXCUSE ME, HUMANS. I am not kidding. Meet Algernon, The Amazing Cat-orcist.”
*BLEAGH!*
Jules: “?!”
Algie: “I’m here all night.”
Veterinary assistant: “We can’t find anything wrong with him. Could be bowel disease. Or cancer. You should take him to critical care.
Jules: “Absolutely. Fine. Let’s go.”
Critical care: “We can’t see him for a week.”
Jules: “You are CRITICAL CARE, right?”
One Week, five sick days and three bottles of resolve later (a.k.a. Day 4,945)
7:30 a.m. Critical care: Al has an accident in the car. I discover that the office is not open. And that magazine pages DO NOT WORK for emergency cleanups.
Critical care: “Ok. So. Let’s shave his belly, run an ultrasound, take some blood and send it to Texas A&M for analysis.”
Algie: “I hate you all.”
Jules: “And that’ll tell us what his problem is?”
Critical care: “It should.”
Day 4,949
Critical care: “So. The blood work came back negative. Want to do a $1000 endoscopy?”
Algie: “Touch me one more time, and I will cut you.”
To be continued…
Comment on this story.
So keep your comments:
- Civil
- Smart
- On-topic
- Free of profanity
We ask that all participants own their words by logging in with their Facebook account. It's a simple process that will take seconds and helps keep our comments free of trolls, cranks, and “drive-by” commenters. We reserve the right to remove comments from anyone using screen names, pseudonyms or false identities. Please see our FAQ if you have questions or concerns about using Facebook to comment.
